How to Apologize…

As unorthodox as it may seem, I am a firm believer

in apologizing. I have been through seasons in which

culturally and socially, apologizing is an unpopular

idea, but I have persisted that apologizing is a skill that

should be taught in children. An apology is part of a

reflective process in which we examine our behaviors

and actions, and then decide what we could do better

next time. This is an essential part of human growth in

all stages of life. I have also found that the reflective

process of apologizing often not only repairs the

relationships around the person apologizing but can

also improve the relationships as well.

An inability to apologize leads to poor outcomes and relational issues for both

adults and children and it makes sense. Long term studies show that an inability

to reflect on our actions good or bad stunts our growth and emotional maturity as

humans. It also has devastating effects on our relationships. Most adults and

children who can't reflect on their actions show more loneliness, increased

incidents of depression, had a lack of close relationships and in adults, long term

close relationships were nearly non-existent. It leads to other outcomes like lower

self-esteem, lack of personal responsibility, increased insecurity and difficulty

understanding the needs and emotions of others. All of these are critical skills

children and adults need to navigate life and relationships with others

successfully.

A simple "I'm sorry" isn't a full apology though. A true apology can be different

depending on our cultural or religious values but usually includes several steps:

A. Reflect on our actions: Thinking about how our actions contributed to the

problem even if we were not the sole cause.

B. Take responsibility: Saying "I'm sorry" is not a complete apology. It shows

remorse but we need to be specific about what the problem was and what

ways we will attempt to not repeat it again.

C. Listen and Improve: Give the other person a chance to respond without

interruption. Forgiveness can take time and isn't guaranteed but discussing

changes that need to be made can help avoid repeating the problem.