The Three-Step Process to Addressing Conflict…

Effective teachers and parents create positive learning

environments by helping children learn to regulate

their behavior and emotions. Yet even with well-

established behavioral expectations, young children

often continue to engage in unsafe behavior and

experience conflicts. Many parents and teachers are

left unsure how to help them resolve these situations.

A child's self-regulation is influenced by

developmental processes that occur emotionally,

cognitively, and language based. Because these skills

are still developing throughout childhood, young

children are especially sensitive. Unlike adults, children

do not have all the skills they need to be successful in

conflict resolution and therefore need to help of the adults around them.

Parents and teachers play an essential role in the development of these skills.

When teachers target self-regulation and language during classroom interactions

and conflicts, children become more capable of using strategies to interact with

peers and solve problems appropriately. When parents engage in co-regulating

strategies with their child during play, they help children build skills needed for

future interactions. By following the steps below, teachers and parents can

effectively support children's self-regulation and language development while

addressing unsafe, destructive, or conflict-related behaviors in the classroom and

at home.

Step 1: State the behavior and help identify the emotion behind it.

This first step is also an excellent opportunity for parents and teachers to use

emotional vocabulary to help children understand and label feelings that might be

related to their behavior. When teachers acknowledge children's feelings, they

help children feel heard. They also set the stage for a compassionate discussion

rather than a power struggle.

Step 2: Explain the behavior and its implications.

After teachers have drawn a child's attention to their behavior and helped them

identify their emotions, they can explain why the behavior may be inappropriate.

This helps the child begin to recognize cause and effect, which supports their

future ability to use reasoning to regulate their behavior without teacher support.

Step 3: Address the behavior.

During this step, some children will benefit when teachers provide a solution.

Others will be able to choose from among a few replacement choices, especially if

emotions are heightened and children struggle to engage in an expected

behavior. Offering choice in these moments can not only help the child make a

better decision but also build their self-esteem.

Teachers can also help children brainstorm alternative behaviors or solutions by

encouraging them to verbalize their current problem and think through the

challenge. If children struggle to come up with their own solutions, teachers may

provide additional support by saying, "I have an idea. Would you like to hear my

idea?" After several iterations with teacher support, children will begin to address

problems more independently. We are building their capacity to solve their

problems as well.