The Knots of Tension in Parenting Young Children…

Knots of tension can exist in many relationships

including friendships and marriage. It includes a set of

distressing feelings and behaviors linked to a particular

situation. In parenting young children some of the

most common situations are:

· Separation times

· Toilet training

· Bedtime

. Doctor's offices

. Transitions

· Meals

These are all areas where parents can feel some anxiety or emotional intensity

while children feel emotionally charged in these situations, feeling helpless,

overwhelmed and alone.

It takes two people to "pull the knot" and typically we either pull the knot tighter

or loosen the knot.

Ways that we tighten the knot:

· Punishment. Withdrawing love. Scolding, yelling and threats. Time out or other separation. Giving in and then resenting it. Forcing

compliance. Labeling the child as "bad". Avoiding the issue all together.