Helping Your Child Gain Self-Control

One important skill for children to learn before

kindergarten is self-control. School can have multiple

moments where children need to follow through with a

task when difficult, develop ways to interact in group

learning and listening to directions. These skills are all

linked to self-control. Children can develop them at

preschool and at home.

Here are a few ways families can help children learn self-control:

Model Your own Self-Control: Children learn by watching. Demonstrate self-

control in your own behavior. Explain your feelings and how you manage them.

Set Clear Expectations: Establish rules and routines that are developmentally

appropriate. Consistency helps children understand what is expected of them.

Teach Emotional Vocabulary: Help your child identify and express their feelings

in a healthy way. Use simple words like "angry," "sad," or "frustrated" to describe

emotions.

Do activities together that require following directions: For example, put

together a model, play follow the leader, or cook or bake a recipe

Practice Waiting: Play games that involve taking turns or waiting, like "Simon

Says" or simple board games. This helps them practice patience in a fun way.

Even growing seeds can be a great way to practice waiting.

Use Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward your child when they

demonstrate self-control. This reinforces the behavior you want to see.

Plan for Interruptions: If you are on the phone or in a conversation and your child

begins to interrupt you, teach them a sign they can use to let you know they are

waiting for you. I used to have my kids place their hand on my arm. I would

confirm that I see they are waiting by placing my hand on their hand. This helped

them to know I knew they were waiting for me and could practice patience. Once

I was finished with my call or sentence, I would direct my attention to them and

praise them for their patience.

Role-Playing: Use role-playing scenarios to practice self-control in different

situations. This is great for things children get anxious about. If they are scared of

the dentist, role play with a doctor's kit to help them think through their feelings

and reactions.

Offer Choices: Giving your child choices can help them feel more in control,

which can reduce frustration. For example, let them choose between two snacks

or activities that are both acceptable to you.

Teach time in developmental ways: Many young children can't read a clock yet,

so you can teach time within your daily routine. Statements like "After lunch we

are going to rest our bodies" or "Do you want to draw a picture for grandma, she

will be here for dinner." Even statements like "I am going to finish the dishes and

once I am done, we can read books together" can help children to gain a sense of

time.

Calm Down Techniques: Teach them simple strategies to calm down, like taking

deep breaths, counting to ten, or using a quiet space.

Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that self-control develops over time.

Offer support and encouragement and avoid harsh criticism: Just like when

adults learn things we don't always get it right the first time. Have grace with

yourself and your child.

Create a Predictable Environment: A predictable routine can help children feel

secure and understand when to expect certain activities, reducing anxiety and

impulsiveness.

By incorporating these strategies into daily life, you can help your preschooler

develop the self-control skills they need to navigate their emotions and actions

effectively